The Embed - Initial Thoughts

I remember the last run we went on together... not necessarily the date, but how it went down.  Perhaps it was days or weeks before I left for a training evolution in the Mojave Desert and at that point we've already been sleeping in separate rooms for a few months.  We were always cool with each other and I believe we still are and will always be.  Before I digress further, she was helping me acclimate to the conditions of the desert.  I put on a 40# vest, Banana Republic cargo pants, and a rugged pair of Timberland boots.  She put on light running garb and agreed to do a 2 miler with me.

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You see for the past few months, she'd been training for the Rutgers Half Marathon, which I think took place in April.  I remember when she came up with the idea of wanting to train for it and wanting me to train her.  We trained briefly, yet all the credit goes to her, because she mainly trained herself for the few months prior to the race.  I remember being so proud of her (and still am) for being pro-active.  A few weeks before the race, I remember feeling like dog sh*t when I found out I couldn't show up to the race because of military duty.  And I basically think stuff like that would characterize the last 7 years of our relationship- me picking the military over her.  It wasn't fair, it isn't fair, and that's part of the reason we are where we are now.  I'm glad we're on good terms, perhaps friends, and I'm glad she chose not to entirely shut me out of her life.  I remember her breaking down and balling when I told her the news that I couldn't be there, I felt like dog sh*t then too.  And in April, when I was following her progress on base through her friends' Facebook statuses and pictures, again, I felt like dog sh*t.  

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So we went off in the middle of the night on our usual "hard" route, which had a challenging incline for about a 1/2 to 3/4 of a mile.  Leaving from the bottom of our condo stairs, we started striding into the darkness dimly lit by steady street lights.  Even a few weeks after her race, she had quick feet and trying to keep pace with her with the extra weight almost smoked me into the first mile.  When we hit our turn around, I told her to leave me behind as I slowed down, because I didn't want to ruin her work out.  I'm not a fan of metaphors, but I think, in essence, our last run was one.  In general, she told me that she felt like she slowed me down from my ambitions in the world... debatable yes... but I think in the scheme of things, I slowed her down from reaching her full potential.  She's such a great woman, has taken care of me a great deal, and I've truly learned a lot of things from her that have only added to my future survivability.  All the things she used to do for me last year, I do them myself now, which can be crazy to think about some days.  Many things can happen in 365 days, unfathomable at times, especially when things/situations are left unguarded or are not addressed for months, even years.

This initial post is in no way an attempt to get her back.  The paper work has already been filed and I think we're content with how our relationship as friends is.  I've understood for quite some time that it was meant to be this way.  And she's stated to me that she's truly happy having it this way.  I've been wondering for the past few days how I was going to kick this thing off and I think the best path was to pay tribute to this great woman.  All of my positivity and faith in humanity have stemmed from her and my mother.  Despite being alone for the holidays, I think having this time to make this retrospection can only lead to good things.  I would consider this blog successful if one person learns from it, does something positive, and vice-versa.

Happy Holidays All,

Don